Over 40 percent of married women in Kenya have faced domestic violence or sexual abuse. Marriage is becoming a quick in and out; 80 percent divorce. What is wrong?
A woman grows being trained to be a mother. As a young girl, she is bought dolls, cooking utensils and she slowly creates a picture of a marriage she desires. At 20 she already has this image of a good man by her own standards; she cannot relent until she finds him.
On the other hand men are not trained to be fathers. The society is setting us up to fail. We have men brought up in families with mothers only and those with fathers who are never present. Take a look at the society; you will notice there are more ‘cucus’ than ‘gukas’. Girls graduating into parenthood have people to talk to, as for men, you’ll be lucky to have one.
Men unlike women, think in the inside. As for women, they will shout out their mind, thus how they think. “Honey, should I quit this job?” a woman will ask on Monday. The man will be busy watching as Manchester City plays Liverpool in the Champions League, he will be quiet. She will mourn and say how much he doesn’t care, then on Wednesday evening the man breaks, “I have been thinking about what you said and I have decided put up a business for you. You can go ahead and quit.”
TD Jakes says men are HE-MOTIONAL. “They retreat to think of a problem, when they don’t find a solution, they get trapped inside. They place themselves in self confinement” he says. This does not mean a man won’t provide, he will shower you with love on the bed, a flower on the Valentines and a dinner at your anniversary yet he is not satisfied.
The society keeps changing the definition of a good husband. A while back if he provided, he was a good man. Millennial women want you to provide, be top on the bed and show emotions to your children. Men end up not knowing what to be.
For marriages to stand the test of time, we must understand that some men are in self confinement. Their dreams were broken in the journey to masculinity. Women, these men will not fill that missing piece of the puzzle, unless you adjust the play to suit their character.
The Bible says a man shall live with a woman by knowledge. Women up your game to reason with facts not emotions they will listen. “Men don’t flourish in criticism” says Jakes. Let him be the King, to manage his testosterone that makes him domineering, drives him and makes him aggressive.
Besides, how can he be a good man when the woman enjoys being a good man?
For me, women have been empowered, the men are loosing it. The man who cut his wife’s hand in Kiisi should be in jail and so should the animal that beat the wife in Machakos this week.
Let’s take time to understand these men. After all, what meaning does it make if you read articles of understanding men written by women, they aren’t men. It is HARD being a woman; it is HARDER being a man.
Photo: Oklahoma Eagle